Chapter 24 - Saga 4, Conundrum
An Enigma Wrapped In Anything
*
“I have to see it again, must have it in my hands, touch it and thus know…”
YOYOY ran down the cobblestone side street, yewbow struggling to track him, for he ran as if a man possessed. Go figure.
The entrance flung open, the chronicler approaching the bar in another crazed fury. He took a seat, then a breath. Drexlin froze, unsure of why the writer was in such a rush, and whether this was a situation that’d soon turn dangerous. Out of the corner of his eye he mentally noted the current position of his hideaway crossbow.
“Drexlin, I need the artifact.”
The half-elf frowned.
“Well, YOYOY, you can’t have it.”
The club-master chuckled.
“Just for a second, I mean.” “Oh, well, alright then.”
At this, the barkeep turned and looked back and forth for a second, before spotting the right shelf. He reached up and back, withdrawing the odd object of ever-morphing structure. He slowly set the item down in front of YOYOY, the writhing figure giving a unique sensation to his hand. He knew YOYOY would be back for it. He just knew.
The scribe stared at the object, allowing it a few repetitions of its sequence. Satisfied, he reached forward and quickly tapped the encrusted button when it appeared. Nothing. Once again. He furrowed his brow, then grabbing the thing with both hands.
Suddenly, something punched him in the stomach. Though the term ‘punch’ may not be adequate here, for the force of this impact not only drove YOYOY back off his stool but slid his body back as it slammed into the back wall.
YOYOY groaned, sitting up with a tremendous pain in his chest. He looked down, face contorted in a countenance of agony as he discovered a very large crossbow bolt sticking out of his ribs, blood pooling nearby.
He looked up, shocked, at the half-dwarf behind the bar, finger still on the trigger.
“Drexlin… why?” “Oh, shut up with that nonsense. It’s for your own good. You’re dying anyway, right? Good riddance.”
YOYOY winced at the harsh words, lying back, only for his eyes to snap widely open again, for standing above him was the big brutish form of the troglodyte himself, Archer.
“Don’t look at me, runt. I’m not here to lead any of your crusades. Bite the bullet and try taking on some responsibility for yourself every once in a while. Pathetic.” “Archer, no!”
It was too late, as YOYOY cried out, a flaming arrow having been driven right through his stomach. The searing pain was intense, vivid, like nothing he’d ever felt before. Yewbow walked in, spitting on his face.
“Why’d I ever help you in the first place? You’re nuttier than a fruitcake nowadays, with your ‘artifacts’ and ‘messages’ and this ‘war’ of yours and crap. What war, yo-yo? What war?”
The scribe coughed up a mouthful of salty blood before weakly replying.
“I’m trying to figure that out…”
They began laughing, the three, soon along with the rest of the bar.
*
“YOYOY, wake up!!”
His eyes snapped open as he cried out in pain, the threesome over him all jumping back, startled.
“I guess he’s alright.” “Yeah, but, wow, what happened?” “Like I told you, maybe he wasn’t kidding.” “Drex, you be careful with that thing.” “Yeah, uh huh.”
The scribe blinked. Drexlin, yewbow, and CardinalFang were standing around him, as he lay on the ground. He remembered now, grasping the artifact, then must’ve blacked out.
“You alright there, chronicler? Look like you had a nightmare.”
CFang grinned, yewbow kneeled closer.
“Another vision? What now?”
YOYOY chuckled, shaking off the effects of his dream. Still felt weird in his stomach, though. Like butterflies, but gnawing at his insides along with all the fluttering. Of course, he pretty much felt this way before the fainting. That whole partial demonic possession thing.
“Yeah, something like that. This one didn’t make any sense, though.”
The others slowly nodded, Drexlin nervously looking back to the bar, wondering if he should return, until YOYOY addressed him.
“Hey, Drex, that artifact of yours, that’s powerful bad stuff. It’s going to cause a war, I can feel it…” “How? What is it?” ”... I’m not sure. But we have to find out.” “To prevent this war of yours?” “I, I think so.” “How much do you really know, scribe? I mean, when is this all going to be clear?” “It’s coming along, more and more.” “I’m confused.” “I’ll tell you later. Or he will himself.” “Alright.”
YOYOY gingerly got up to his feet.
“Drexlin, I need that object.” ”... You sure that’s not dangerous? I mean, how do you know you don’t have it backwards?” “What?” “Maybe I should keep it. Maybe if you take it, it’ll lead to war.” ”... Alright, fine, maybe. But I need to find out. I need to take it, just for-” “No.” “Drex… you really don’t want to give that thing up, do you?”
The kindly bartender was silenced, before looking down to his crossed arms, hugging the artifact, keeping it tight to his chest as if never to let go.
“YOYOY, I’m scared. You’re freaking me out here.”
Y chuckled.
“Tell you what, come with me. You can keep it, but I need to come into contact with more-” “Wait, come with you? Me, you, this… this thing? No, nuh uh, no way am I going on another one of these half-baked adventures of an ill-founded Fellowship, I’m always getting almost killed or burned or skinned alive or-” “We’ll need provisions.”
The questioner grinned, Drex groaning.
“Fine. Fine, fine, FINE!! I’ll come. Whatever. But do you even know where we’re going, what we’re going?” “I’ll know.” “Can I come too?”
It was yewbow, grinning, beaming, clearly excited.
“Um, I dunno. You ever done this kind of thing before? Big epic quest and all?” “Hey, you need an expert archer. I’m your guy.” “Alright, you’re in. But you’ll have to sign a waiver.” “Haha, very funny.” “No, I’m serious. Last time we got our butt sued off by-” “What about me?”
It was CardinalFang, pus and blood and mystery liquids glistening as they slowly flowed down his face. YOYOY sighed.
“Do we have to? You’re always tagging along. Maybe you should sit this one out-” “Oh, yeah, what, because I smell? That’s it, isn’t it? I’m ugly, is that it? You’re so shallow, all of you! Look at you, you got, let’s see, the Chronicler of Fate here, the All-Time Provisions Provider, and how could we forget an elven archer in our party-” “I’m not an elf! Geez, just because I have a bow and effeminate good looks-” “but nooo, no room for a stinky pus-ridden bleeding filthy diarrhea-slurping turd-chomping urine-drinking dung-flinging lesser demon of a former Army, right? I mean, maybe if I went back to that James Bond type, sacrificed all my self-confidence, self-image, self-respect and dignity just to satisfy your shallow dream of a ‘beautiful’ perfect-” “Alright! Shut UP! You can come, but don’t blame me if-”
YOYOY went right into a violent coughing fit, until he coughed up a huge gob of black-green-brown-yellow… stuff. He stared at it, before kneeling over and staring some more, then dipping his finger in it to find that it was oddly cold and as thick as tar.
“Dude, that’s sick…”
Drexlin and yewbow raised an eyebrow and stared at Fang after making the remark, even as chunky purple snot slid neatly into his agape mouth.
“What? What’d I do?”
They rolled their eyes and checked on YOYOY.
“You alright?” “Yeah. No. I mean, for now. Or… sure, yeah, I’m fine.” “Sorry.” “Eh, it’s alright. Just, ah, oh. Who would know, or at least, have a chance of knowing what that thing is?”
He pointed to the artifact Drexlin was still clutching tightly. Yewbow thought a second before replying.
“A Mod?” “Yeah, the best chance, but I really don’t feel like that’d be a good idea, showing that off to a Mod.” “I agree.” “But who else could know, I mean, nobody else has the knowledge or the experience-” “DarkGuardian.” “What?” “Let’s try him. He’ll know what to do. He’s been around forever, and of course has the Fellowship experience.” “We can trust him.” “Right. Now, where is he?” “If not around here, the Caves.” “Stay here the night, pack up and move out tomorrow morning?” “As good a plan as any.” “We’re crazy, you know that?” “Nah, just you three.”
They laughed, albeit lightly, and began making preparations to visit a potential help about an unknown object that may or may not cause a theoretical war between mystery adversaries.
*
© Eric Bailey