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Eldermark 3 - Saga 6, Eldermark

_*

The Chronicles of Anything – Eldermark, 3

_*

The political parlor was closing, as its inhabitants began spilling out into the anonymous night. Sideward glances were exchanged, along with final barbs of debate-related turnabout. Kelanor was last to exit, pausing at the threshold to brush off his old squire’s cap. He could not help but offer the darkness a slight wistful smile before walking further, turning left upon one of Anything’s many quaint cobblestone streets. He frowned to note that the corner was shrouded in blackness, a nearby streetlamp apparently broken.

“Good evening, squire.”

Kel stopped cold in his tracks, recognizing the voice as that of BoyHostage.

“Mock me again, Kelanor.”

Impossibly fast, an immeasurably strong blow suddenly came down upon the back of the Anything Moderator’s shoulder, driving him face-first into a dank puddle. The splash was loud, the water was dirty, and his body was shaken.

“Mock me again.”

The Administrator grunted as he drove one of his brightly colored boots into the side of Kelanor’s ribcage while he was down, the moderator’s frame awkwardly lurching and rolling across the cobblestone.

Kelanor propped himself up, hearing Boy laugh in the shadows before taking off, his cape fluttering in the wind.

Kelanor managed to stand without as much as a wince. He paused, brushing off his old squire’s cap.

_*

DruidOverlord sighed.

“Alright, I’ll bite: What are you doing, Zartock?”

The illusionist wizard named Zartock89 had been standing in front of Druid, perfectly still, with a broad grin on his face, for well over half an hour now.

“Oh, you know, observing and listening. Much like yourself, in a way. It’s quite an interesting realm we have here, isn’t it?”

The Overlord crossed his arms, “Your point, wizard?”

Zartock shrugged, taking another step closer to the border guard, who was beginning to grow uneasy about this exchange.

“May I confide something in you, Druid?”

The druid overlord began taking a silent, mental inventory of every spell he knew, every magical device he held on his person. Illusionists could be notoriously tricky to deal with—especially in combative circumstances. He held no true fear, but nor did he desire an inconvenience of any sort. Trouble was never a good thing, thus its concept.

“Sure thing, Zart, go ahead.”

The illusionist grinned.

“It’s funny, because right now I could tell you how a patron just ordered his burger in the Gridiron Grill. I could name three persons currently lollygagging about in the coastal coves. I could recite a song sung by a lone barber on a southeastern rooftop, or even give you the whereabouts of each and every Moderator that’s walking the Anything streets. You know how I can manage this?”

DruidOverlord remained silent.

“Everyone thinks I’m some sort of talented illusionist but, while I may be so, that is not where my true talent or danger lies. I am known as Zartock89, for it is said that when you see me, then 89 of me are elsewhere. However, for there to be 89 of me, for them to be true flesh-and-blood copies—that is not an illusion, is it? I am much more of a Multiple Man than Mirage.”

DruidOverlord nodded.

“Yet, how do we all share the same collective knowledge? How do we form but one mind? Are we each controlled by a master consciousness? Or is one Zartock the true Zartock, mentally asserting himself over the rest? I can tell you that, at this moment, I am sharing in the thoughts of each Zartock in Anything. So, you see, dear druid… I am a telepath.”

DruidOverlord raised an eyebrow.

“Which, as you may now realize, naturally raises the question…”

Zartock gently extended his right arm, then dipping his wizard’s staff. At this motion, there was a brilliant flash of light, and in its wake was left a beagle puppy. The adorable dog immediately sat, staring up at Overlord with its puppy dog eyes, panting, even appearing to smile slightly, as dogs can do.

“… are you looking at an illusionist’s trick of the light, or viewing a telepath’s false thought placed in your mind?”

DruidOverlord knelt, smiling, in front of the pup. He extended his hand and the friendly dog gladly met it, licking its palm. Then, within seconds, the puppy began yelping and whining loudly, before its bottom jaw slowly began opening and retracting of its own accord. Soon a loud crack was heard as the jawbone broke, the puppy’s yelps now twisted into a damnably wretched sound of agony, but silenced in seconds as the dog’s body fell over and grew still, boiled bits of its brain oozing out of its cute floppy ears, steam rising in the desert breeze. The druid coldly stood and stared Zartock down before speaking.

“I really don’t care either way, warlock, because either way, it isn’t real. Now, do you want passage into Anything, or shall I have to escort you elsewhere?”

Zartock’s mouth hung open.

_*

The archer took a deep breath and held it, clutching the precious oxygen in his lungs.

His eyes were blindfolded, and he concentrated intensely. In focus, he could feel the blood coursing through his veins and arteries. He willed his heartbeart to slow, until there was a distinct pause between each pulse. He waited until the right pause arose in the beating of his slowing heart, then lost himself in the lull. He gently began exhaling out his nostrils as his fingers twitched, loosing the arrow.

The projectile ripped through the crisp air. He allowed a slight smile as he heard it tear through its trajectory. He waited, still, until he heard the distant “thunk” of the arrow entering the leather-bound target a few hundred yards away.

“Not bad, Yewbow. I see what you mean.”

Stormcrow chuckled and shook his head, letting Yewbow remove his blindfold and see for himself the arrow comfortably nestled in the bulls-eye.

“Haha! It’s been a while. This was a great idea, elf. Thank you.”

Stormcrow shrugged and queried, “So, is it my turn?”

Yewbow laughed, “Of course. Show me what you’ve—“

Before Yewbow could finish the sentence, Stormcrow had already fired. The movement was supernaturally fast, yet the elf never broke eye contact with his fellow archer. Before Yewbow had fully processed what had happened, he heard his companion marksman’s own arrow slam into the target.

Together, they looked—and saw that the target had been split nearly in half, a large rip down its middle, various seams splitting around its peripheral as well.

Yewbow kept his jaw from dropping, admiring the impossible shot. Once he regained his composure he remarked, “How did you d—“

Suddenly the target structure exploded in a giant ball of flames. A modest mushroom cloud was formed by the blast as a shockwave roared out from its epicenter. Shards and bits of the target flew through the sky and the ground shook violently. Stormcrow and Yewbow found themselves braced and forced to steady themselves.

Behind them, someone was guffawing and snorting. They turned in time to hear the being speak.

“Why be accurate when you can be loud?”

Yewbow smacked himself in the forehead, Stormcrow frowned and sighed at the sight of a monstrous troglodyte, complete with his trusty Bow of Flaming in his slick grip.

The elf responded,

“Well that pretty much sums you up, doesn’t it, Archer?”

The trog king—growled.

_*

Jack Sparrow walked forward through the back tavern alleyways, lilting slightly. He spotted a cat crossing his path, then frowned as a second did so. He turned around and addressed his companion, the traveler.

“You have two cats?”

The traveler stared forth, squinting—then chuckling before his reply.

“Ah, yes. You have met Joey, and that other is Chloe.”

“Oh. Right then.”

Captain Jack Sparrow stumbled forth again, before seeing yet another kitty creature, then another. And again, he addressed his traveling companion.

“How many cats do you happen to have, mate?”

“Nine.”

Jack blinked, Traveler grinning as he soon stood face-to-face with the remarkable pirate who managed a response.

“You didn’t happen to get ‘em in Hell, did you?”

The traveler laughed, “Oh, no, they’re not from Hell.”

Jack emitted a “whew” of relief.

“They’re from Hades.”

Jack’s eyes snapped widely open.

“A gift from the Grave Ghoul, the very lord of that realm of damnation.”

The traveler smiled, sliding an arm around the anxious frame of the privy pirate, walking alongside him down the cobblestone way. Sparrow’s mouth hung open without a sound, unable to form a proper reply.

“I’m a traveler, Jack… I’m a traveler.”

The two continued, as Sparrow began to wonder if his choice of companionship was at all wise.

Ten cats followed close behind.

_*

YOYOY, in something of a daze, began gingerly treading toward the sound of a still-alive penguin behind a broken window in an adjacent building to the tucked-away alley. He kicked out what remained of the glass in the window before stepping through, spotting the prize one-winged bird.

“What is it YOYOY?!”

MDTailz eagerly ran behind, yet keeping what he felt to be a safe distance, standing on tiptoes to try and get a better view, his two tails elegantly providing an arcane sort of balance.

The scribe tilted his head to one side, then rapidly turned to Tailz behind him.

“Tailz, duck!!”

The mammalian creature rapidly back-flipped to his left, tucking and rolling behind a dumpster. Something audibly ripped through the air and jammed itself into a chunk of flesh. The scribe jumped out into the open from behind the broken window frame, quickly surmising the situation.

Acid_Flux stood in the middle of the alleyway, a thin crossbow bolt sticking out of his shoulder in a vulnerable point of his armor. The NoThRoG grunted and pulled the bolt out, his other hand drawing a broad axe from his belt before he shouted, “Show yourself, cowardly sniper!”

“Gladly.”

From the facing rooftop somersaulted a gnome in odd purple garb, now facing Y and Flux from yards away. The scribe drew his own weapon, a metallic club. The stunted assailant bowed, “I am the \/\/idow/\/\aker, a fine assassin by anyone’s reckoning. Had it not been for your interference, ‘throg, the Chronicler would be lying dead. However, as it stands… this may yet work out to my desires.”

Flux growled. “What’s to stop me from slicing you in half right now, stunty?”

The gnome chortled. “More than you know—but, primarily, the poison now working its way through your lifeblood.”

Acid Flux began to laugh, heartily and healthily. “I’m a NoThRoG warrior! We drink poison by the barrelful for kicks, shortstack.”

The gnome nodded. “Yes, but this stuff is especially vile, I assure you.”

As if on cue, Flux gasped, then fell over, completely paralyzed. As his body autonomously exhaled on the street, the gnome assassin reloaded another bolt. YOYOY had not moved throughout the ordeal, unsure of how to proceed.

WidowMaker began to raise his weapon to level. “I normally would not allow this, but considering your reputation, I would expect yours to be worth hearing—Any last words, scribe, before I kill you?”

“You will do no such thing.”

It was not YOYOY, but rather Ter-Soth who had spoken, emerging from the Low-Key Lounge moments ago. His eyes were burning in an odd orange hue, bright and fiery, as he walked over to YOYOY’s side. On YOY’s other side appeared the Luck of Ebisu, and jogging to stand directly in front of him was a spastic Lumpin.

\/\/idow/\/\aker chuckled. “I do not doubt your collective courage, but…”

Just then, the foursome facing the violet-clad gnome watched the figure of Lesthios leap from the rooftop behind WidowMaker, hatchet raised in preparation for a deadly blow.

But the blow was not to be, as a split-second before impact, a violent wind tore through the alley and slammed into Lesthios, causing him to cry out in pain before rolling across the stones and pebbles of the street.

“… as I was saying: but you are more foolish than you know.”

Lesthios grit his teeth and raised his arm to throw his hatchet at the gnome, but the gnome turned to his prone figure and fired. The bolt from the crossbow drilled directly between the eyes of Lesthios, the elf’s jaw dropping even as speckles of blood flit about the air. A second later, his body’s pulse left.

“No!”

The assassin laughed. “What, were none of you expecting that?”

Ter-Soth leapt forward with supernatural fury, but was soon jerked into the sky by an invisible cyclone, to be flung hundreds of yards away. Those remaining were silent, their valorous guile fading.

“I underestimated your tricks with the air, fair ninja,” the gnome quietly remarked, “and I thank you.” At this, the \/\/idow/\/\aker tossed a trio of silver coins behind him, each being caught by a now-revealed ninja, previously perfectly enshrouded in shadow. The gnome assassin’s gaze never left the three facing him, “I am sure you are pleased to meet my partner, One Form of Many Evils.”

“Hey, you weren’t supposed to reveal my identity!”

“… right, sorry. Anyway, where were we?”

The \/\/idow/\/\aker began coolly reloading his crossbow, as if for dramatic effect. YOYOY spoke quietly, “Leave, guys. There’s been enough blood shed tonight.” Lumpin began running before Y even finished the sentence, while the Ebisuan cleric remained. “Luck, seriously, go.” YOYOY sheathed his club. “Even if you can heal whatever comes next, please, leave while you can.” The Luck of Ebisu solemnly and slowly nodded, hesitantly walking away.

The Evils ninja merely observed as \/\/idow/\/\aker once again aimed at the Anythinger scribe. “This is your last chance for final words, Chronicler.”

YOYOY smiled. “Then listen well, gnome…”

But before he could continue, hundreds of playing cards shot through the air between the duo at exchange. The cards separated and glided, twirled and flew, collided and floated, effectively forming a vision-disrupting cloud between WidowMaker and YOYOY.

“—the hell?!” The gnome was momentarily flabbergasted and caught off guard, squeezing the trigger of his crossbow. The projectile managed to pierce several playing cards in its trajectory (including a three of diamonds), but when the card cloud cleared, YOYOY was no longer present in the alley.

The lying bodies of Acid Flux and Lesthios were now as still as those standing of WidowMaker and OneFormOfManyEvils. The gnome turned to the ninja. “Well, what are you waiting for?!”

The ninja curtly hissed and took a quick first step forward, before being halted by a hand at his chest. He looked down at the gnome who was impeding his forward progress.

“No, ninja, you are not to pursue.” The widowmaker nodded towards the prone frame of Flux. “Take care of the NoThRoG.”

The ninja was hesitant in his implying fear, “But Maker, he is a dangerous one.”

The gnome fiercely scowled. “Are you not also dangerous, Form? You know the agenda. Our plans have not been altered beyond our aim.”

The ninja nodded in understanding, beginning to search the body of the paralyzed NoThRoG.

The gnome walked over to Lesthios’ finely clothed bard corpse. He managed a smile, snatching a wide-brimmed hat from the elf’s head.

_*

“… rather than have a ceremony.”

Siege911 patted the meeting table in agreement. “Yeah, I think you’re right. Penguins, here!”

Four specially trained mail penguins marched to the Admin, forming a semi-circle around him.

“One envelope for each of you.”

Each bird nodded as soon as the envelope had been tucked neatly into his, her, or its respective beak. Then, once each telekinetic courier held their postmarked prize, they flew off in flock formation.

Leaning against a wall, BoyHostage flashed a malevolent-yet-charismatic sort of grin.

_*

The black being of murky shadow wailed and flew up the breeze-laden hillside towards the Deverenian lightning-thrower. The astral Dev wizard then clasped his hands and flung a fireball towards the ethereal grinning thing, but the flame flew wide right and missed.

The rapid, hazy figure of Parzaius then impacted with the armored astrality of Ghed Shmed. A safe distance away, Souldecay and Azraela observed. A bit closer stood SilverNyuura, the Freek Kingdoms lawful paladin, also watching.

The fireball-flinger coughed as Parzaius began trying to shove himself down half-existent lungs. An immensely interesting struggle began to emerge, as the astral being tried to fend off the ethereal bodily invader. All manners of ghostly limbs and ghastly blows flailed about, as the duality singularity began to roll down the hillside. The two then paused, and stood—now merged into one being, Ghed Parzaius.

The three watchers were stunned.

Ghed Parzaius appeared as armored in fine Deverenian steel, constantly in a state of varying dimensional plane existence(s), helmet now enveloped by a large blackened form that never stopped grinning.

Azraela in all her beauty turned to Souldecay. “Now do we intervene, dear?”

The man chuckled. “No, let’s see what the freek can do.”

The merged abomination being now charged SilverNyuura. The freek warrior, in response, looked to the skies and softly spoke a prayer.

Several of the most pure and good deities then intervened on his behalf, striking at Ghed Parzaius with a thousand lightning bolts, emblazing him in holy fire, and rending his steel armor into nothingness. Once the rather impossibly impressive intervention had ended, there was nothing left of Ghed Parzaius but a smoking crater on the otherwise pristine hillside.

As the observing couple left, Silver raised a shaking fist and opened his mouth to curse the very gods for resorting to such recourse.

… but, then, he did not. Rather, he smiled thinly, and left the scene.

At the bottom of the smoky crater, a tiny remnant of the Ghed Parzaius being began to grow and laugh.

_*

Stormcrow, valiant member of the former Fellowship, extrasensory elf, archer supreme, quite possibly YOYOY’s favorite CoA character of all-time to be quite honest, smiled as he strode through the green-grass field. That is, until he spotted Ter-Soth lying on his back, groaning, with tears and rips in his clothing forming a single word:

ENTRAPMENT

The elven bowman blinked. “Well that’s weird.”

_*

Aragorn’s breaths were taken in a series of wheezes as he waited for the healing salve to take full effect. The Rider of Rohan tried to remain upright in the booth, though every sinew in his body wanted to fall over. However, in such a seedy tavern of a name he did not even know, he hoped to not arouse suspicion or notice of any kind.

But he seemed to fail, as an imposing figure sat in the booth across from him at the table.

“Ah, Aragorn, fine ranger, Strider! Worry not, contemporary, for I am merely a second-stringer tonight, right?”

The seated speaker laughed, shaking his head at his own in-reference joke.

“I should be insulted, but rather shan’t, as I have binding duties ‘fore my own desires, as—regrettable as those circumstantials may be, eh?”

Aragorn sighed heavily. “Who are—”

“I am the Medusan Exile, and I am here to murder yourself, Aragorn. Which, considering your current sorry state, should be of utmost ease, correct? Even as the sub I am.”

The Exile rolled his eyes, apparently in sarcasm at his own comment, again.

“Wanna know something funny about topaz daggers?” At this, he held one up, as if for visual aid. “Topaz has a rather curious mineral property—”

“Drop it.”

As if from nowhere, Anything Moderator CardinalFang was now standing beside the table, holding a double-barreled shotgun leveled at Medusan_Exile’s head.

“Oh, come now Cardinal, do you honestly need to—”

“Yes.”

“But even if I was engaging in criminal consortium or coincidental circumcursorical lawbreaking, if it was fully my intention to do so…”

The Exile furrowed his brow and leaned forward, turning to Fang.

“… have you not considered that, perhaps, I would have certainly adequately prepared for moderator interven—”

“I don’t believe you’ll find me to be a Mod easily prepared for.”

Before the Exile could realize what had happened, CardinalFang had grown two more arms, each holding a magnum pistol aimed at his chest.

“Ah. Right. Know this, though…”

The Exile stood, turning to leave the tavern.

“Cite me as foolish all you would enjoy, but there will very soon arrive a time, Cardinal, when you are no longer in position to threaten me.”

The Exile left, CardinalFang turning now to Aragorn, weapons withdrawn.

“You alright?”

The rider lightly laughed.

“I was fine, and still am. Thanks, I guess.”

CardinalFang nodded, wondering what the Exile seemed so mildly flustered about.

_*

The sun was unsure of where to be in the Anything sky.

Below it was the whole of the realm, and within the realm stood the home of YOYOY. It was quite a fortress, yet the castle was always home for any who cared to make it so, welcoming any wandering being. At any time there was sure to be several beings within, living or at play, sometimes at chessboard or otherwise. Amidst the public domain, though, Y certainly kept private rooms as well. His most inner sanctum, a room that had only been seen by himself and Ter-Soth during a previous adventure, was rumored to have its walls completely covered in writings. Histories, biographies, cartographies, stories, the entirety of Anything expressed in words. It was further rumored that many of these writings included scrolls of an enchanted quality, such as those that contained words that decided the very future of the realm, or others that could redetermine its past.

But this room was not of MDTailz’s concern, as much as he had heard about it. It was, rather, the courtyard that he carried the scribe to. He had then even gone back and retrieved the one-winged bird, once sure that the target alleyway’s inhabitants were clear of the area, and never having been aware of the still-dazed penguin’s apparent position, status, and significance.

The writer laughed.

“Tailz, you really didn’t need to do that.”

“Well, yeah, but I figured if the bird’s so important, you wouldn’t want to have to go back and get ‘im, you know? Seems like an awful lot of—”

“No, no… I mean, saving my life; the daring bit with the playing cards.”

“But Y, you were about to be killed—”

“I know, but still, seriously, you didn’t need to save me like that. You could’ve died yourself, and that’s worse, trust me.”

The two-tailed, red-racing-shoe-wearing mammalian being shrugged and sat on a nearby comfy bench, quizzically watching as a curious expression formed on YOYOY’s face before the Chronicler shouted in excitement, “Zach!!”

Y then got up and ran full-speed towards an approaching Deverenian knight, practically tackling DarkKnightZach in greeting, knocking NirvanaTool off his shoulder.

“Hey, Y.”

YOYOY frowned, teasingly gently shoving Zach back a step. “You alright, Z? I can tell when something’s bothering you. C’mon.”

Nearby, the telekinetic, telepathic mail-penguin shook its groggy head.

“It’s just NirvanaTool, he’s been especially… “I OWN YOUR SOUL!!” lately.”

“Oh, right. That.”

YOYOY scratched his head, awkwardly having no appropriate or helpful reply as he watched the dodo hop back up onto Zach’s shoulder. Y then froze with a sudden realization. He turned, looking at the penguin, then turned back to NirvanaTool, then Zach, then back to the penguin… all the while patting Roy the Odd’s letter in his pocket.

“Zach… can NirvanaTool read your thoughts?”

The cursed Deverenian knight, formerly of the Fellowship, swordsman supreme, bowed his head.

“He can read my wretched soul, the history of my tortured existence, the every pitter-patter of my interwoven thoughts and—”

“Okay, okay, so, yes, he can… now, um, does that…”

YOYOY excitedly looked at NirvanaTool, then glanced back at the one-winged penguin, then at DarkKnightZach, remembering the letter from Roy the Odd.

“… So does that make him both avian and telepathic? I mean, it does, right?”

NirvanaTool snapped his beak toward YOYOY, staring him down with a special sort of intensity.

“What are you getting at, penman?”

Y grinned all too gladly. “I’m wondering if you could do me a huge favor.”

The powerful dodo scowled, leaning forward ever-so-slightly. “Now listen very closely, mortal penman. I have a single purpose in my existence, and that is to—”

“Yes, yes, to kill General Lund, I know of your vendetta. What if I could resurrect the General for you? Would you do me a favor in return, then?”

The dodo and Dev then looked at each other, DarkKnightZach turning to YOYOY.

“Actually, that’s why I came here, to try and find you. I, I mean, we, were hoping you could do exactly that for us.”

“Ha! Well, sure, of course! Just to make sure we have this straight, NirvanaTool, I’ll bring General Lund back to life, for you to kill, in exchange for you doing me a favor in return. Sound good?”

The dodo leered. “That would depend on the favor, penman.”

YOYOY nodded. “Yeah, that’s fair and understandable… I just need some information contained in the mind of the one-winged penguin.”

YOYOY turned and pointed to the poor penguin, Zach and NirvanaTool seeing it now, MdTailz watching the affair with interest.

The dodo nodded. “You bring General Lund back to flesh-and-blood, and I will provide whatever information you want from the mind of that bird.”

“Not so fast.”

All present turned at the sound of the new voice, sighting Zartock89 standing in the courtyard with them. The wizard began to speak.

“I am also a telepath, YOYOY, and a more capable one than you would guess. In fact, I have already garnered the information you need from the penguin formerly commanded by the Advocate of Lycanthropes. I will gladly offer it, in exchange for you doing me a favor instead of for NirvanaTool.”

The scribe rolled his eyes and sighed. “I’d much prefer to deal with Zach than with you, wizard.”

“But you don’t even know what I want from you!”

“I don’t care. I will not deal with you deceiving kind.”

“Fine. Then let me make this an easier choice for you.”

Within the next few seconds: Zartock89 let forth a battlecry, shoving an open palm forward. An invisible force hit Zach powerfully in the chest, shoving him backward and upward, NirvanaTool having narrowly dodged the blast to the side. Instantly, another Zartock appeared where the Dark Knight was about to land, and drove his wizard’s staff into the ground, causing the earth to split, the ground’s rift forming a deep chasm beneath Zach’s airborne body, as the Deverenian knight now began falling into the chasm that continue to enlarge and deepen.

As Zach began to fall into the chasm that was deepening faster than he could fall, several flashes of light and smoky explosions erupted as more Zartocks appeared above the rift in YOYOY’s courtyard. Each of the wizards began to fall toward Zach, their wands sizzling and cackling with deadly energy about to be released. As lightning, flame, and other forms of energy began to fire towards the helpless, falling body of DarkKnightZach, YOYOY only then realized the simplicity of the situation; that Zartock aimed to kill Zach. NirvanaTool had already realized this, but the arcane familiar waited until he was standing upright, his feathers unruffled, before speaking.

“Halt.”

At the single word uttered by the owner of DarkKnightZach’s spirit, all in the courtyard stopped in motion. The Deverenian knight’s fall was halted, the multiple Zartochs all frozen in midair, the chasm’s deepening and widening stilled.

YOYOY, MDTailz, the right-winged penguin, and the first, initial Zartock remained in time, each astounded at the enchantment. In awe of NirvanaTool’s unexpected display of unanticipated power, Zartock shrieked as the dodo turned to stare directly at him.

“Now…”

The lord of DarkKnightZach’s essence began walking towards Zartock, its claws digging into the dirt of YOYOY’s courtyard sod. The sight of its lifeless, dark-beyond-Hell-and-all-things-damnable eyes startled Zartock to such an extent that the wizard tried to retreat, but stumbled, falling onto his back.

Before the telepathic illusionist could right himself, the dodo had flown fast and perched himself squarely on Zartock’s chest, staring down at him. Zartock screamed like a petrified schoolgirl, his robes rent by NirvanaTool’s talons. The dodo continue to speak.

“Listen very, very closely, trickster and deceiver of lesser mortality. I have three truths. First, that I have a single purpose in my existence. Second, that I will not fail in fulfilling my purpose. Third, that I will do anything in my power to fulfill this purpose, at all times never ceasing to work at doing so. Thus, consequently…”

For the next part, NirvanaTool the dodo leaned in closely, his razor beak nearly resting on the face of a Zartock so scared he had temporarily lost proper functioning of his bowels and urinary tract. The bird’s next words would be in a hoarse, horrifying whisper.

“If I ever consider any being, setting, or circumstance to be an obstacle in fulfilling my purpose, I then become all-powerful by reason and by right in order to render that obstacle from no longer being an obstacle, and I do not use the term “all-powerful” lightly, robey. So…”

A distance behind NirvanaTool, each of the Zartocks in enchanted stillness above the chasm suddenly exploded—not in fire, but solely by force and willpower, in such a fashion that their bones and guts were strewn across YOYOY’s courtyard. DarkKnightZach was then flung to solid ground, gasping for air, watching as the remains of the exploded Zartocks began to dissipate and disappear, and the chasm closed, restoring the courtyard precisely to its previous, whole state.

“I give you two options, Zartock. You can either leave, now, and never come within my sight again – and my sight is inconceivably talented, mind you – or I will doom you to a fate that is a thousand times worse than being damned to the six hundred and sixty-sixth layer of Phyroxic Hell. Keep in kind that I am a being that, when considered by Lucifer, makes him weep in his deepest sleep out of fear. Yet, to give you a choice in this matter, makes me the most merciful being in existence. What do you say, ‘tock?”

The wizard vomited in his throat, unable to speak, but NirvanaTool was able to interpret his frenzied thoughts as being equivalent to the response of “I will leave, and gladly so.”

“Alright then, leave, after my last advice: Remember, DarkKnightZach is my chosen instrument in fulfilling my purpose. Mess with him, you mess with me. Go, and with something to remember me by.”

NirvanaTool suddenly opened his beak and stabbed its upper and bottom razor tips into Zartock’s eyes, even as he hopped up and began to fly. Chunks of vomit gurgled from Zartock’s mouth as he tried to scream in pain, but they were soon unable to be heard as NirvanaTool rapidly rotated in midair, in an eerily impossible manner, and flung Zartock into the unfathomable distance.

The dodo gently landed near the others in the courtyard, rudely spitting Zartock89’s eyes into the nearby grass.

“I’m sorry, YOYOY. Where were we?”

YOYOY gulped and nodded before responding. “I will bring General Lund back to flesh-and-blood life, in exchange for you giving me the information I want, that is now contained in the mind of the one-winged penguin.”

The dastardly dodo nodded. “Sounds well and good. I agree to that.”

The Chronicler nodded in return, then turned to DarkKnightZach, now recovered and standing. YOYOY took a deep breath of consideration and preparation before extending his left arm and pulling up its sleeve, revealing his naked forearm.

“Cut me, Zach. Bleed me out. Kill me.”

MDTailz sprang up to his feet. “What?!”

DarkKnightZach chuckled, turning to Tailz, even as he slowly drew a dagger from a sheath at his side. “You must be new to matters of an adventuring nature, kid. Just trust me on this… whenever it hits the fan, YOYOY may not be the strongest guy around, but stick with him and you’ll find that he’s invaluable in the oddest ways as an ally. We did crazy stuff like this all the time back in the Fellowship.”

Zach firmly grasped YOYOY’s exposed wrist, and with his other hand grasping the deadly dagger, drew its sharp blade across the scribe’s forearm. The cut was deep, raising a length of skin-flap as if he were scaling a fish, a tendon severing and curling under somewhere. YOYOY winced and sucked in a breath of pain through grit teeth.

The dark knight released his grasp and stepped back. He, NirvanaTool, MDTailz, even the penguin each watched in patient, motionless enthrallment.

YOYOY also stared at his forearm, and felt the warm, crimson liquid begin oozing and dripping. He continued looking at his life leaving his body as he addressed the others, quietly, almost hauntingly.

“Now we wait… just wait, guys… just wait…”

_*

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